“So, the hurt you feel you have committed against him, was in ending the friendship with him?” The psychologist asks.
“Yes. At the time I was very depressed, I wasn't thinking straight. I loved him so much, but I had this fear he would leave me. I don't know if he felt the same…My thoughts were in a crazy place at that time.”
“You hurt him, with the fear of being hurt yourself?”
Adalyn nods.
“The new boutique will be opening soon?”
“The store opening is in three weeks. After the lockdowns and restrictions, it hasn't been easy, I guess for everyone. That kinda crashed me, since then, I've picked myself up.”
“No more drug taking?”
“None, like I said no coke, speed, all gone, wasn't good for me, no doubt that deeply affected my mind and body. In a negative way.”
“Psychedelics?” Dr Tobius asks.
“Considering...I know, kinda not advised. Right? With my diagnosis. Just a thought, that it might help get my sex drive back. No decision yet, it would be very gentle session. If anything a low dose of mushrooms. But, definitely not on the radar.”
“And the medications? Are you still taking the antipsychotic Cariprazine.” The psychologist looks down at the psychiatrist's referral notes. Seeing the diagnosis of Adalyn as having Schizoaffective disorder.
Adalyn nods. “Yes, when I see the my psychiatrist next month, we're going to ween off the dosage from a half to quarter dose.”
“And it has helped?”
“Absolutely, it helped with the irritability, racing thoughts, psychosis, which I hated, and rumination of different things that get stuck in my head. Combined with this...” Pointing at Dr Tobius. “...But, like I said, what has helped the most is the meditation, it has taken awhile. My old friend, who, like I said I haven't seen in a long time...” Adalyn, looks away, aware that she just referred to Yinkle as her friend again. “...introduced me to a technique of using fear to destroy fear. A very challenging mediation and you can see, I haven't mastered it as yet.”
“We're talked about your mother and the relationship you had with her...” Dr Tobius begins to ask Adalyn, aware that she still has yet to reconcile her thoughts of her mother, to which she quickly interrupts.
“There wasn't much of one, it was, as we have talked about, a very strained relationship.”
“And your father?”
“I never knew him, my mother had a fling with a guy in the early Eighties at a hotel in Hollywood and well, I was created. What I do know, is apparently he was in the military. I think, not too sure, that he was killed in combat, Iraq, I’ve been told...” Adalyn replies, wiping a tear from her left eye. She retains her composure. “...My sister, had a different father.”
“I wasn't aware,” the psychologist replies.
Adalyn nods, feeling detached from any memories of her sister and their separate father's, without any biological connection of family sentiment. “No idea who he was.”
“Did it make you feel displaced?”
“Yes, very much so. Now, with my mother's memory fading pretty bad. It's like your legacy, history, everything is going also. Does that make sense?”
“I understand...” Dr Tobius replies.

___

Reading: "ORACLES MYSTERIUM" from the book 'Evenfall of the Helical' (A.Glass 2022)

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